So I've come to the realization that blogging is a
good thing. Don't get me wrong I don't think of blogging as negative or as a
distraction, but I've always viewed it as something that I could get to later.
False.
Expressing how you feel and what you've learned is
as natural as the ocean is blue. Pretty good metaphor considering my location.
In four weeks I will be leaving North Myrtle Beach
and going back to life in the 9-2-0. I have nothing against Oshkosh and the
people there, they are quite lovely in fact. I am, however, coming to the
realization that I will be leaving my project family in four weeks.
Woah. Crazy.
So let me catch you up (whomever "you"
might be) on what has been going on these past few weeks.
Two weeks ago staff left. That's right. They
entrusted the entire project to us. Breaking that down they left four student
directors "in charge in charge". As well as bible study leaders and
team leaders. Needless to say, I did not get one of those positions. And boy
was I bummed about that right off the bat. I had this overconfident almost
superior outlook about myself that I was obviously getting a position; false.
What God showed me in that was my pride issue. I
looked at myself and at others and although considered somewhat of a
"baby-believer" assumed I would get a leadership role. But instead I
got a reality check that not everything I do is perfect. Not everything I do is
God honoring. Not everything I do is with the best intentions. I am a sinner. I
fall into temptation every day. The night I found out I didn't get one of these
roles I was very disappointed with myself and found myself jealous of my new
bible study leader. Not because I dislike her and think she is wrong for the
job, I just valued my own self and thoughts and walk with the Lord as the best.
This happened on what we project people like to
call Date Night With Jesus. Basically it is a three hour block each week that
we have quiet time. So going into my Date Night I was somewhat bitter and
annoyed with the events that had unfolded. One of my beautiful roommates
challenged me that night, to find a verse on leadership and bring it back so a
few of us could talk about it. I said sure, not wanting to show my hostility
all the while thinking, " OF COURSE YOU WANT TO DO THIS, YOU HAVE A
LEADERSHIP ROLE!" (she had just gotten a bible study leader position). I
told her about this a little bit later and we laugh about it now. But the
entire night I was fidgety and couldn't focus on one thing. I tried reading a
lot of different materials, doing my bible study for the week, journaling, but
nothing was working.
With about 15 minutes left the song "For the
Sake of the World" by Brian Johnson came on and I lost it. I was starting
to realize how selfish and unloving I was being. Still not gripping what God
was trying to show me, I begrudgingly decided to look up a verse on leadership. God lead me to Hebrews 13:17 "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you." With that He totally had me hooked.
Then God told me to read the book of James. So I did. In
it, He revealed to me my sinful ways. I was disrespecting my new leader and God
by not liking His choice in leadership. I was going against what law or
authority God was giving me.
The first verse God showed me was James 1:14-15
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his OWN
desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is
fully grown brings forth DEATH." Imagine reading that after you expected
to get something, and then you didn't. But oh no, it doesn't stop there. James
goes on in verse 27, "Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant
wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which will save your
souls." What. Seriously God.
I could go on for days about that date night with
Jesus and talk about what He revealed to me, but I'll end with this. "But
if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast
and be false in the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above,
but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition
exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice" James 3: 14-16
Basically God told me to suck it up. When I was
sharing this with my roommates, the same one who gave me my
"assignment" spoke truth to me. It was not my time, yet. She pointed
out this verse from 1 Peter "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty
hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you" (v.6).
So that's what I'm doing now. Confessing my
struggle with my pride issue and lifting it up to God.
I don't know about ya'll, but this has been a good
session for me.
I know I said it last time too, but I will be
updating more frequently now. This is not a test. This is real life. Talk to ya'll soon.
Peace, Love and Blessings.
And also some pictures.
My Home <3
My Bible Study <3
My Family <3
.jpg)